Friday, March 10, 2006

Protocols of the Meeting

I am sure many of my reader have suspected for a while that there is more to this blog than meets the eye. That there is a calculated mission hidden inside the innocuous ramblings of "an anonymous, thirty-something Stamford Hiller claiming to be a Chassid and regularly churning out his personal take on whatever he likes." That it has become so widely read despite the many who do not like positions taken serves only to reinforce that suspicion.

My use of the word elders to describe my leaders should have been a clue and They are right that it was careless of me but, as we have been taught all the time, most people are like sheep and created to have wool over their eyes. Did nobody ever wonder how comes a blog from nowhere gets so many visitors? Did they not wonder how comes someone sitting on the Hill and spouting what he sees for the entire world to see, has managed to stay anonymous? Did nobody notice that all those displaying too much interest were eliminated?

On the other hand the Elders are losing Their touch too. As a group who have managed to remain hidden for so long despite Their manifesto having been published over a hundred years ago and still available on sale in the few countries where Their control is not yet absolute, They were surprisingly negligent in allowing me to have this amount exposure without a minder. Did They not suspect that I would squeal if they tried to clip my wings?

It is not only my carelessness They are unhappy with either. It seems I have overstepped the line too. I have been using sarcasm, my Board of Control unanimously agreed, and that is against the rules. They make a valid point. It is difficult to pin down exactly what is being said in satire and the Elders, like most of our Rabbis, don’t really go for the whole humour thing. The position I was supposed to hold on the cartoons for instance was one of moral outrage followed by smug self-righteousness. When I asked for practical guidance I was told to watch the Board of Deputies and how they handled the Ken Livingstone story.

In truth I had been watching that and the Prince Harry one. I had questioned to myself whether it really was in our best interest to react like stuck pigs whenever anyone mentions the holocaust and our constituents don’t get a cashback. I had been asking myself for while if my mission of bringing the Hillers firmly into the hold of the Elders, like all the other Jews of Britain, was as good a deed as I had been led to believe. I had also, as the Control Board speaker pointed out, mocked the appointed religious leader’s style and that when They had worked so hard to get one of Their choosing after the previous one had turned out to have something of a mind of his own. The Michael Howard remark I was duly absolved of after I pointed out that I wasn’t to know he was Theirs.

But it was exactly the Red Ken story that caused me to rebel. I cannot for the life of me see why it is in the Elder’s interest to antagonize the man for a silly remark he made that is not even offensive. I pointed out to the Board that with the growing antisemtism in London (the Elders had promised it would be eliminated worldwide by 1950 - antisemitsm not London), not to mention the regrettable incident in France They forgot to promote in this country till a week after the event, it might be wise to at least attack him for his views we actually oppose rather than this pathetic media circus act. After all he is known to be a fair man alongside his odious anti-Israelism. They reminded me that I had been developed to write their opinions not to develop my own. They further reminded me that criticizing Them was forbidden and I was lucky not be severely disciplined.

I was ordered to stop writing but I shall continue as independent and if I am doomed I am doomed. By doing so I will prove that the Elders are not as powerful as some people think. Of course I will take extra precautions and if anybody pricks me with an umbrella I will have it checked immediately but I doubt They will feel forced to eliminate me. Most people will put this down as some Purim joke after all. Isn’t it wonderful to be Jewish?

No comments: